WOMAN'S SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS BY OLIVER MERCY ATIM

Woman's search for happiness is a simple, practical, heartfelt guide to enable everyone to enjoy the confidence, power, success and happiness. This book will guide you not to be stressed by your situations....you have the power to have a peace of mind, improved health and a never seizing flow of happiness in your life....of this, I have no doubt at all.... You deserve a happy life...

st want to be happy. Happiness! We all want it, but few find it. Yet, so many decisions we make in life are driven by this desire. So what is true happiness?

Why is true happiness so hard to find? What do truly happy people look like? Well many people are searching right now. You maybe one of them. Some people are searching for a job, financial stability, or a way forward amidst economic turmoil. Others are searching for meaning, wondering if anything in life really matters, or even if they matter.

You'll find people searching for a sense of identity, an inner knowledge of who they are. Some search for purpose. Others for a relationship with a spouse, with God, or a deepening sense of spiritual connection in whatever forms that might take.

Many are searching for connection with other human beings. Whether that is friendship, deepened intimacy, or someone with whom to grow old with. And, many more searching for a way out......a way out of pain in all its forms, a way out of disappointment, regret, shame, anger, sadness, loss, anxiety and fear, what have you? And, we search in the mundane too. I lost my bag the other year, and spent three hours running after the person who grubbed it trying to find him. But all was in vain. Do you know the funny bit if it? People who where around were just looking at me and doing totally nothing! I run and reached a state were by I was just too tired of chasing what I would not get back. It was like catching wind, however much you try, however long you try, you can never catch it in your hands! Then I realized, we live in a happy-obseessed society, constantly bombarded with happy smiling faces on TV or billboard adverts telling us their version of happiness. Even worse than this, we see our own friends on social media posting photos of their ridiculously Happy lives; but never sharing any raw feelings of what is really going on in their lives.

It's an unspoken law that we all want to be happy but the reality is that most of us have not thought about what happiness means for ourselves.

I used to think of, if only I had the right kind of job, the right partner, the right groups of friends and the right kind of materials, than I would be happy! I worked so hard chasing these goals for twenty four years. I saw happiness like reaching the peak of a mountain...... All I had to do was work really hard, achieve all my goals, and then find happiness. And that's exactly what I did. I worked really so hard and got to the top of the mountain. But at the top, I didn't find what I was searching for........what I actually found at the top of the mountain were disappointments. I think just because I was not contented with my inner happiness! I had worked so hard for twenty four years to conquer my goals and the realization that I still wasn't happy made me even more unhappy. But little did I know it, I had no idea of what happiness was!!

We search for other things that are really nothing at all, like time, more relaxation, more confidence, less stimulation, more beauty, more happiness, information, knowledge, or skills. We search to understand, to make sense, to fix, to figure out, or to achieve insight. It's always about something other than what is.

All this searching takes enormous effort too. And, sometimes it pays off, but often it doesn't and we are right back at it again. Worse, it pulls us out of our lives. Searching for happiness can be like that. Most people want it, but few of us can find it and keep it around long enough to convince ourselves, let alone anyone else, that we've got it. Maybe that's the problem here.

Maybe happiness isn't something we have or find, but something we do, nurture, and cultivate in ourselves. Maybe it's right under our nose.

A friend of mine found me in the searching route the other day. He sensed that I was grasping for something just out of my reach, while pushing away that which I didn't like all that much. If you can envision that, one hand grasping and the other pushing away, it might make you smile. It was an odd dance for sure, and it wasn't pleasant either. It took my friend to bring me back, and make me a wear that I was desperate to be anywhere else but where I was.

He shared few words. No advice. No quick fixes. All he did was offer a quite he stumbled upon. It stopped me in my tracks and brought life back into alignment for me. Not sure if it will have the same impact on you, but I thought to share it just the same. Longer a bit with the words and what they might mean for you.

"The secret to achieving happiness lies in understanding our inner core values-those things in our lives that are most important to us and then seeing that they are reflected in the daily events of our lives."

Searching to have happiness or be something other than I am is not a core value of mine. And I know few people that would list that on their tombstones either. But understanding our core values is different. Living our lives in a alignment with what truly matters to us isn't about searching, trying to be something other than we're. It's living with ourselves, our histories, and going FORWARD to create a life Worthy of our time on this planet. That kind of happiness is durable. It can't be bout, lost, or stolen. It's hard, yes! And it can be so sweet too!

While I was reading the book "Man's search for meaning" by Viktor E.Frankl, I went through his journey, right from getting a US Visa to him ending up in Acschwitz. When he got the visa, his decision revolved around whether to go to USA and start a new life or stay back with his parents and risk being taken to a camp. When he ended up at concentration camp of Auschwitz, which was infamous for it's gas chambers, his decision revolved around whether to save the meagre piece of bread, to have it one bite at a time or have the whole thing to once. The decision which might seemed tiny at the one point of time, now seemed like life-saving decision. What he must have taken for granted at some point in time,now seemed like the most important thing.

This story made me think that how, at each stage in life of each individual, different things can mean different. While he struggled for food, a cup of soup seemed like heaven. Those who had soup, getting a cigarette satisfied them. Wants to ever evolving and happiness is persistently feeling.

When I used the same story to evaluate my life, I found that me and all the people Surrounding me struggle on a daily basis, to find happiness, to find meaning and to find peace.

What may seem like a perfect like to one, since s/he has not attained it yet, when she achieves it, she looks for more!

When I was young. I looked forward to completing my education. Once I finished the education, I looked for a perfect job which would pay well and yet was interesting when I got the job, I wanted to travel an explore the world. When I finally, I did end up going to a lot of places on my bucket list. I again started trying to find work in a hobby. Each time I attained something that I thought would make me happy, after a few days, months or years, eventually the quotation of happiness reduced. And yet again, I started looking for another outlet to find happiness from.

Following the principle of diminishing marginal Unity, what gave me happiness at one point in time, only kept me satisfied at another point in time. Happiness as usual remained transient.

In the past, my tendency to put other's needs before my own led me to in balanced relationships, fierce resentments, and unhealthy habits. I would offer help when I didn't have the time, agree with opinions I didn't share and stay in unhealthy life in which I didn't have advice.

I spent years searching for perfection, happiness, praise and other's approval. The result was a life that felt discouraging and not quite my own. I recognized this, but I didn't know how to rediscover my own sense of identity and purpose. I'd spent so long catering to others that I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. I didn't know how to excavate the self I'd spent years burying.

Everything changed when I went through a challenging loss of my father. Utterly a lone, I was devastated to the extent to which I lost my identity in his passing away. Without him I felt "empty-selfless" in the truest sense. It was the most potent loss of self in a long series of losses, preceded by all the other individuals I'd shape shifted to please since childhood.

One day as I was seated with one of my God Fathers, he asked me questions about my first inspirational book "The worst storms of life never last, but tender-hearted people do!" What had come in my mind to suggest such a hooky book title. I took my time explain to him why I suggested that title. I went more telling him about my magazine "Woman's search for happiness." Because I could really look for external happiness in my trying moments. He kindly advised me and I would like to share it with you.

Here it goes;I know it is hard for you to go through these raging storms at that tender age of yours Oliver! You can run but you can't hide away from storms. You have to take responsibility for your own life and happiness. Because if you don't, nobody else will do it for you. In order to find true happiness, you have to start by loving yourself and knowing who you're. Happiness is found within not far away. It's inside you not outside. It's a state of mind mostly your heart beat and level of responsibilities that's what gives you the energy to go an extra miles with true happiness. Other factors just follow it. You have to give yourself permission to discover who you're really: the woman beneath the fear and the people-pleasing.Why do we always want more? Why are we not ever satisfied in our circumstances? Is it our greed? Or is it human nature? Can happiness be found in achieving goals? Can happiness be found on the path of achieving those goals? Or can it be found in things? Or can it be found in achieving the impossible?Can happiness be found when we find a meaning to life? Is permanent happiness possible? Or does it only come in bouts? In fact, is there such a thing as permanent happiness? Or does sadness gives meaning to happiness? I really learned from his advices. In the years that followed, I began to get familiar with my own needs, dreams and goals. I learned that happiness isn't found outside the body. You may be out there searching for your own happiness, but I encourage you today as you read this book not to search for happiness as I did. Because at the end of my search, I achieved nothing other than disappointments and heart breaks. I realized the only way to find true happiness is to be cut openly. Sit down, discover yourself and find your purpose in life. Settle your mind and don't allow your challenges get inside your body to spoil your inner peace of mind. with a kind heart, where did I find my bag and happiness? Where did I get the perfection, praise and approval?