what does it take to find yourself?

I spent most of my childhood in Bullhead City, AZ and the surrounding areas. Wandering around undeveloped desert wasteland planted the seeds of appreciation in me for solitude and wide open spaces. By age 12 my family had rooted themselves in the cities of the Pacific Northwest. I walked through a forest for the first time and was awed by the massive trees and mountain ranges. By my early 20's I began to understand the disadvantage I was at as a city dweller. Each time I would venture out on a camping trip I became more and more aware of one's inability to think clearly and contemplate life and their direction in it amongst the noise and pace of a city. As the time that I spent on a mountain and on the trail increased, so did my level of consciousness. When I was left alone to process my thoughts and feelings I made startling discoveries about myself and my beliefs. Where I had come from, where I was going, where I wanted to be, and most importantly who I wanted to be became the only thing that mattered anymore. I learned to never stop asking the question \"Why\". Why do I think and feel the way I do, why do I do the things I do. I found that by asking myself these questions I was able to see and identify the reasons for my choices and how some of those choices contributed to my dissatisfaction in life and my hardships. Every human being is hard wired and programmed during their childhood and navigate through life based on that programming. Depending on the level of dysfunction in a person's childhood, that programming can lead to some very crossed wires and our ability to navigate life becomes compromised. We operate on bad programming and make bad decisions as a result. Asking the question \"why\" allows you to untangle the wires and reprogram your operating system.

As I grow older and get closer to contentment than I have ever been, and my personal growth continues, my thoughts and views turn toward the human condition and the limited freedom one has to pursue happiness in our society without money. The only people who are truly free are those in power who can afford to buy their freedom or those who completely disengage from the machine and refuse to conform. Everyone else in between is in some way a slave to the machine of government, society, and capitalism. Refusal to conform is the place I have come to.

~\"The discovery of culture, the awareness that it shapes and molds our behavior, our values and even our ideas, the recognition that it contains some element of the arbitrary, can be a startling or an illuminating experience.\"~
\"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become\"