Their Names Will Never Be Forgotten & Neither Should Ours

"Men create harmful traditions and practices, then hand them over to women for execution, keeping their hands clean."

Trigger Warning: FGM

You can read and write today because of a troop of women who fought for our right to education. You can cast your vote during election time because there are women who refused to be silenced on the matter. You can own land and build your home because of women who refused to be counted out of wealth. You can get a job, get promoted, and sit on boards because of women who saw injustice in us being excluded from earning an income. You have rights that are acknowledged because of women who understood that we are stronger together.

Their names will never be forgotten, and neither should ours for the work we still need to do. Internal work that we have glossed over, that has affected generations. Work that changes the way the world has operated for years.

Together, let's build a world where we can no longer speak of internalised misogyny or patriarchy. As we teach the world to love and respect us, let's not forget to teach each other what it looks like to see one another through non-patriarchal eyes. If we are going to defeat the suffocating beast that is patriarchy, we have to start in the rooms we occupy.

We have to be the ones to say no to FGM. We have to stop holding the hands of our daughters, nieces, and grandchildren and leading them to the rooms where they are mutilated in the name of tradition, culture, and religion. We know the truth. We know the medical conditions that follow. We know the chronic pain that will live in their bodies. We know that it is more about placing control on women's sexuality than it is about anything they use to defend it. How many more of our little girls shall we bury before we admit to ourselves that this is a sham of a practice?

We have to fight against child marriages. Men old enough to be these girls' fathers and grandfathers have used religion as an excuse for way too long. This ploy to satisfy themselves at the cost of these girls' lives is a war that needs each of us to stand on the battle line. The laws are in place, yet the law enforcer does nothing. We are losing precious lives, literally and figuratively, the more we stand back. Young girls playing house with a man who should see a daughter is where we should draw the line. Young girls missing out on education because they have the responsibility to bear children should not be a conversation we are having. Are we going to the battle line together?

We have to change the conversations we have at the kitchen parties we hold for the young women we are marrying off. Stop telling them that they must serve no matter the cost. We are stripping them of self-respect. Stop telling them to stay for the children. We are just creating more broken children. Stop telling them that betrayal is a part of the deal. We are teaching them to devalue themselves. Stop telling them that they are the reason for the abuse if and when it comes. We are teaching them to see brokenness in themselves. When do we start rewriting the script?

We have to preserve culture and tradition, but we also need to make edits where they are due. Let's talk about the harmful practices that have been tied to purity culture over the centuries. The practice of sending your daughters off to sleep with their father-in-law in the name of virginity testing. The white sheet theory that claims that if a woman does not bleed the first time, she is dirty and lacks value. It is women who parade the village with the sheet that holds the evidence, is it not? Saying, "It's always been this way," isn't a fix for a practice that opens dangerous doors to your children. Who are we waiting for?

Someone once said to me, "Men create harmful traditions and practices, then hand them over to women for execution, keeping their hands clean."

We made the mistake, and we can correct it together. We are the heroes we are looking for. If we are going to take patriarchy apart, we need to acknowledge that we have, for years, taken part in aiding it. It feels and sounds dirty to say so, but it does not change the truth. And we release ourselves from its power by healing ourselves first. We all know that going to the battlefield with an open wound is preparation to fail. And this mission cannot afford failure. Our lives and the little girls following behind us depend on it.

The work that is due starts with one question: “How do I contribute to patriarchy?” Once that question is answered, the conversation needs to become, “How do we change this together?” Rewiring our minds will be a tough task, but when we come together, it feels lighter. Remember that the harmful beliefs and traditions that we have carried for years were strongly hammered into us, in ways that pulling the nail out has to be a gentle process, otherwise we bleed out. If you are already free, be gentle and kind with those who are still reframing their minds and loosening the bond. Change is scary to us all, but with allies, we find reprieve. We are stronger together.