The Imprisoned Butterfly

I’m a twenty one year old turning twenty two this year and this story is about how painful my childhood year had been, having courage and confidence to speak up was a luxury I couldn’t afford but saying this here under a hidden identity makes me feel safer

At the age of 8, I was sexually abused by a teacher at my primary school but it didn’t end there, a male neighbor started doing the same a year later after I changed schools and thought I was safe

Till date, I don’t know why I never got the confidence to speak up.. maybe I was scared?

maybe I believed it was really my fault?

I never had the beautiful childhood I had always wished to have

My parent had a financial setback when I was 11 and my father became religious

They started visiting churches and visions started pouring in that I was possessed

I was the cause of my family’s financial crisis and o needed to be delivered from the demons possessing me

I was subjected to sorts of stressful activities for someone my age

I had to pray and fast to be delivered

I was made to go hungry for long

I was starved of parental care and love, all I got were series of words I’d prefer not to type here

Things didn’t get better for my family and I was pressured greatly to relief my family from the poverty I was told I bewitched them with

I’ve attempted suicide twice

I’ve been depressed

I once believed I’m a witch

Perhaps, I was hurting my family members unknowingly

Little did my parent know that they were sowing the seed of lack of self esteem, depression and unhappiness in me

I’m twenty one now and yet I feel unloved, I deal with multiple mood swings and depression daily

I don’t want to hear about religion anymore

I am not in an healthy relationship with anyone

I’m just here

I feel like I am 55 sometimes because pain matured me earlier than expected

When I feel so suffocated as I feel today

I’d wish that someday, I will finally escape this hell I face

One day at a time, one step at a time, I will smile soon and be free as a butterfly

But for now

I’d remain as I an

An imprisoned Butterfly