The Day a Village Woman (Toto Acam) Taught Me About Power

One of the most profound lessons I have learned about power did not come from a leadership training, a university classroom, or a conference room. It came from sitting under a tree with a group of rural women during a community engagement meeting in Oderai village in Soroti District.

At the time, I was relatively new to community work. Like many young professionals, I arrived with notebooks, project plans, facilitation tools, and confidence that I had knowledge to share. I saw myself as someone bringing information, resources, and solutions. As the meeting unfolded, I noticed one elderly woman who spoke very little. She was not the chairperson of the group. She had no formal education. She did not dominate discussions. Yet whenever a difficult issue emerged, other women would quietly turn toward her before responding.

I became curious. During a break, I asked one of the group members why everyone seemed to defer to Toto Acam. The response stayed with me. "She may not have money," the woman said, "but she knows every family in this village. When there is conflict, people go to her. When someone is sick, she knows who can help. When women are struggling, she is the first to visit them. We trust her."

In that moment, something shifted in my understanding of power. I realized that everyone comes into a relationship, a community, or an organization with something valuable. Not everyone brings the same thing. Some bring money. Some bring knowledge. Some bring experience. Some bring networks. Some bring credibility. Some bring trust. Some bring wisdom. Some bring influence. Some bring resilience built through lived experience. And all of these forms of value create power.

Rethinking Power

Before that experience, I largely understood power through formal positions and authority. I thought power belonged to leaders, managers, elected officials, and those who controlled resources. But community work taught me something different. Power is much broader.

The woman under the tree had no title. Yet she possessed something many leaders spend years trying to build: trust. And trust is power. As I continued working with communities and women's groups, I encountered many similar examples. Women who could not read or write but could mobilize an entire community. Young women who challenged harmful norms through courage and determination. Grandmothers who carried generations of knowledge. Survivors whose stories inspired collective action.

Women who had very little materially but whose influence shaped decisions far beyond their households. These experiences have since shaped my understanding about leadership and value.

What This Taught Me About Relationships

Perhaps the greatest lesson was that relationships become healthier when we recognize the value each person brings. Too often, we enter relationships focused on what we lack or what others should contribute. We measure value through income, education, status, or visibility. Yet communities taught me that human relationships are sustained by many different forms of contribution. In families, one person may provide financially while another provides emotional stability.

In organizations, one person may generate ideas while another builds relationships. In communities, some lead publicly while others quietly hold people together. When we fail to recognize these contributions, power becomes distorted. People begin to feel unseen. Their contributions become invisible. Resentment grows. Conflict emerges. But when value is acknowledged, respect follows. And where there is respect, relationships become stronger.

The Feminist Lesson

Working with women has also taught me that many forms of power traditionally exercised by women are often undervalued. Care work. Emotional labour. Community building. Conflict resolution. Social cohesion. These contributions sustain families, communities, and organizations, yet they are rarely recognized as sources of power.

A feminist understanding of power invites us to see these contributions differently. It challenges the idea that only visible authority matters. It reminds us that power is not only about control over others. It is also about the ability to influence, nurture, connect, mobilize, and transform.

My Lasting Reflection

Today, years later, I still think about that woman sitting quietly under the tree. She taught me that power is not always loud. It is not always attached to titles, education, wealth, or status. Sometimes power looks like trust. Sometimes it looks like wisdom. Sometimes it looks like resilience. Sometimes it looks like the ability to bring people together.

Most importantly, she taught me that every person enters a relationship with something of value. When we recognize and respect that value, we build stronger communities, healthier relationships, and more inclusive forms of leadership.

And perhaps that is where genuine empowerment begins—not in deciding who has power, but in learning to see the power that already exists in others.