The Butterfly

Hi again, this is the third chapter of my story please journey with me.

After having a tough childhood and having no one to tell or comfort me I decided to take back the wheels of my life and choose what happens to me. At this point I was numb to the pain life had made me go through, you know that saying when life hands you lemons make lemonade well it did not work for me I mean if I had other ingredients the best choice would have been to fore go the lemons and again where was I supposed to get other ingredients when I had only lemons so I accepted my fate and ate my lemons. At first  it was bitter but overtime the taste grew on me and I  grew to  love it so I  became different inn my thinking about life, relationships and men.

I hated men a strog wordd to use I know but anyone who has been a victim of any sexual abuse will understand the only men I liked a bit were my brothers and my dad and even with  them I still held resentment so  my relationship with my dad was rocky now inn an African seettinng being the first girl  I  am named after his mother who when I  needed her the most treated me wrongly so  my name became  an issue  for me, I wanted a new name in a way  a new life until  one day my father sat me down and told me  the reassonn he addored me soo much was not because of who I  am named after but because I am hiss daughter.

My dad loved me i was aand still am a dadddy's girl but the frame of mind I was in did not allow me enjoy that I went between loving him to resenting him for not protecting me so it was tough to the outside world I was perfect and I tried so hard to make sure no one saw behind the well worn mask, I was the good girl a perfect daughter and a loyal friend but part of me just wanted to cry and wail at the situation I was in but I couldn't.

Relationships well that was hard, if i did not stay for too long no one would hurt me so I looked for reasons to break up with people and not only in romantic relationships even friendships, I put up walls all around me and never allowed any one in I became an ice queen no emotions and never available. Few were able to bring my walls but even they did not last long because I found away ofpushing them away and like a butterfly beautiful, full of life I never settled on one flower always  flying away to avoid attachment.

Am a worship leader been for years now a sunday school teacher and a mentor, do you think anyone would have suspected anything? But one day I looked into the eyes of a small girl and there I saw what she did, a girl she could lean on and trust there was soo much love there it shook me to the core. All this time I  had missed out on what was really important blinded by my pain wasting a lot of years and not seeing the beauty in who I  was and how my walls had stopped being a place of protection and turned into a prison cell of my making and the sad part was I had been my own prosecutor , judge and jury but not my defence.

You see the beauty of being around children is that what they show you is genuine and I know till today the woman I saw behind those beautiful brown eyes was and is my true self so  a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step and a lot of courage and that is what I did gathered the little courage I had left and took the first step that would change my life.

Am still a butterfly but am no longer spending too much time in the skies I enjoy each and every flower I meet, take some time to converse and move when it is time am sure one day ill settle but until then let me enjoy what is before me.

Blessings!