She Has Grown Through The Trauma

She got pregnant at 19 while still living with her parents. She was still in secondary school,being a teenager who was still very naive about how life works. She gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, her parents did everything they could to take care of the baby born about of wedlock. Life was very hard for her entire family as her father was already retired and was back at home, while her mother was only a house wife. Lydia's mother had tried petit trade severally but she never made it in the trade so she decided to stop and go to her farms, working to feed her husband and 5 children and other extended family members which brought the family to a tune of 18 people. The old woman put in her heart and soul to feed her family and here she still has to take care for another family member; a grandchild born out of wedlock with all the needs that this baby has. She trusted God and her hardwork to keep her family going. After having her baby, Lydia's mother still struggled to get her go back to school and pursue an career in Nursing which was huge fail as Lydia was more Art's inclined educationally. She dropped from nursing school and came back home. After 5 years of having her son, his father surfaced from out of the blues. Lydia continued with him from where they left off five years ago. He explained that he had travelled abroad for greener pastures and that he had made it, that is why he came back to the country. Lydia brought him to her parents. He apologized for going away and leaving her to suffer alone with the pregnancy, and also for stressing her parents up for the past 5 years. He then expressed his desire to marry Lydia and her parents asked to think about it. But then Lydia being still so naive, hurriedly moved in with him and they started to cohabit. Her stood stayed with her parents while she enjoyed \"Marita bliss\" with the love of her life.  Barely a year of living with him, Lydia became pregnant and had another son for him, shortly afterwards he had to travel out of the country, leaving Lydia with his mother and siblings at their village house. Lydia was not very much lived by her in-laws. After a couple of months, Lydia fell very sick while she was still breastfeeding her baby. Unfortunately for her she wasn't given the best medical care and her health deteriorated. She was lest all to herself by her in-laws who insinuated that Lydia was barely pretending at this point to still be sick. She was abandoned to bath her Bay, wash his dirty laundry and she was given whatever to eat. Her condition worsened and she managed to call her parents and begged them to come take her home. Lydia's youngest sister was sent to go and fetch her from her in-law's house. When she arrived Lydia's husband's village, she found her way to the family compound where she found her elder sister is a heart wrenching State. She took great care of her sister and her baby, washed all the baby's nappies that had been soaked in water for the past three weeks including the dirty laundry. She then packed Lydia's and baby's things to bring them back home until when Lydia's in-laws began to blackmail her emotionally. Lydia wanting to pleas her in-laws said she was going to stay but her sister being so brave and daring shunned Lydia's in-laws and took her sister and the baby back home.

Back home Lydia was taken to the hospital where she was being given the right medical attention and 8n a couple of weeks she had recovered and was doing much better. After two months of coming back home, her husband called and started threatening to leave her if she does not go back to his family. Despite the many pleas from her family not to go just yet, Lydia packed her things and went back to be with her husband's family. After a year had gone by, Lydia lost her mother-in-law. After another year her husband came back from abroad and did a memorial for his late mother and then he stayed in the country for about 2 years. Lydia later discovered that her husband had had several relationships with other women and that he had other children with these women. Still she decided to stick with him because she loves him. Some of these women will come sometimes to visit Lydia's husband and his family and this will hurt Lydia so badly but she couldn't talk for fear that her husband will send her packing.

Lydia later on had two more children for her husband all girls. They had moved from the family compound to town where he bought a befitting house for her and the children. Lydia and the husband had brought their first son who had been staying with her parents. She had the family of her \"dreams\" in her own understanding but all along she had been in an abusive marriage but she could not leave because she feared what awaited her out there. 

Lydia's husband was keeping other women while he was with Lydia. Lydia did not have the heart to handle other women but she dared not talk. Finally he decided to marry Lydia legally, it was the most humiliating wedding that a woman could ever have, as he didn't inform any of his family members about it. He brought with him, his two witnesses only while Lydia invited her parents, her siblings and a few family members to come witness. Thomas(Lydia's husband) forced her to agree to polygamy and Lydia still being so scared accepted to it without her family knowing. At the Mayor's office everyone was shocked that they were signing to polygamy. Lydia's husband restricted her from making any celebrations whatsoever. Immediately after they were legally married everyone dispersed to their various homes. There was no reception, not even a low key something. Exactly one week after their wedding, Lydia's husband broke the news to her that morning as all his siblings came to town; that he was marrying another woman and it was happening in a few hours time. His new wife was the daughter of a big government official and there was going to be a big reception after the ceremony. His entire family had come for to celebrate with him and his new wife. Lydia on hearing the shocking news collapsed and lay unconscious while her husband and his family left her there to her own fate. Fortunately for Lydia her junior sister who was one of her tenants was just coming in to check on her, she witnessed what happened from a distance and rushed to her sister's aid. As she tried to confront Lydia's husband and his siblings they all said Lydia is only pretending as they drive off. Lydia's sister who had a 6 months old baby dropped her baby in the grass and carried Lydia to her house then she came back for her baby. She soaked some cotton in spirit and had Lydia sniff it in a bit to resuscitate her. After Lydia was resuscitated by her sister, the latter tried to talk some sense into the former but it was hard knot to untie because Lydia had not trained her mind to be string despite all the abuse and trauma she had gone through for over 14years of living with her husband.

Two years went and Lydia became pregnant. A pregnancy which her husband denied claiming that Lydia had cheated on him with another man. He bought abortion pills and gave to Lydia forcing her to take the pills and flush the pregnancy out. Lydia refused to take and she was battered by her husband who forced the pills into her mouth and she pretended to swallow them then she passed out on the floor by her husband who did not even panick. After about 30minutes she woke up to find herself on the floor, she took her phone which was lying by her her called her mother and her aunt to come to her rescue. Her aunty hurriedly hired a commercial bike to Lydia's house where she found her still lying on the floor as she was too weak to wake up. Her husband was still sitting by her, looking so unbothered. Lydia's aunty confronted her husband who did not show any sign of remorse whatsoever. She helped Lydia on her feet and took her to the hospital where a series of tests were done and she was confirmed to be pregnant for twins. Thank God she and the babies were fine. After a couple of days Lydia's husband apologized to Lydia, her widowed mother(who just lost her husband a month ago to lung cancer) and her aunt, claiming he did not know what came over him. Lydia for gave her husband and went back home with him. After 6 months she had her babies, one through normal delivery and the second through a cesarean section which almost claimed her life. Two years later, Lydia lost her mother to bone marrow cancer.

Throughout Lydia's life of living with her husband, he had always made her to feel inferior and worthless, telling her how poor her family is and how she can never ever be anybody without him. Unfortunately Lydia believed him and she always felt that she could never survive without her husband.

After several years of being abused and traumatized, Lydia's mother's passing taught her many lessons and she learnt to be strong and to fight and fend for herself because her husband constantly reminded her that she does not have anyone to lean on any more as both her parents were gone. She had always been a house wife, because her husband did not want her to work or do any kind of business. Infact he had opened up a business for her but after a year he closed it saying she spends her time chasing after men. He was such an  insecure man despite being a polygamist.

Lydia had studied many years back and obtained a Grade 1 Teacher's Certificate from an institution which trained teachers to teach children with special needs but after she obtained that certificate her husband refused that she can't look for a job. Lydia felt it was high time she looked for a teaching job to have something that she can fall back on. She was blessed to get a teaching job at her kids' school where she has benn teaching for two years. Her husband tried to discourage her and even threatened her at some point but she stood up for herself and he let her be. Apart from teaching, Lydia decided to lean many other skills in baking and cake decorating, organic skin care products and she's also involved in online marketing. 

She still gets discouraging comments and remarks from her husband but she has made up her mind to build herself, learn to love and take care of herself first. Lydia is still a work in progress and she keeps getting better by the day as she is involved with capacity building workshops, and seminars, she attends parenting classes and she is dedicated to serving her God whom she recognizes as the one who has kept her for all those years. She finds fulfilment everyday doing what she does and even her husband is surprised at how much she carries inside. Her name is LYDIA and she has grown through the trauma.