Pain Ties

Why is it that I'm so familiar with pain?. & If I don't feel it then I'm looking for the next dose?. I said I'd never be like my roots because pain runs deep in my roots. I tried to run away but Everytime I tried, I ran into pain enhancements( people) that reflects my roots. They say that a victim carries a certain scent & has certain body language. Is that why I attract pain?. Because I never washed off the scent? I never changed my body language. They say you are a product of your environment...can a flower grow with bad roots?. I said I'm tired & I wanted change. Now I cut off my roots & still feel this pain. It's familiar it's all I know, will I choose to heal? Or go back to where I can't grow?.