NO SIS THAT ISNT LOVE

This week my mind was just disturbed by the situations of Domestic violence that were shared on social media,one of the most bizarre situations I saw was a video of a young man, physically abusing a young woman in the worst of ways, he dragged her from a vehicle by her hair and put her into his car, then he could heard cursing loudly and verbally abusing her, as he grabbed on her hair, slapped and threatened to kill her.

The saddest part of this is that this was done in the company of other young women and men who were a part of the group of persons with him. I honestly made myself look at the video to have a reality check on how desensitized we as human beings are becoming to pain being inflicted on another.

I'm guessing in the minds of those in their company, she deserved it, for what ill-conceived decision she may have made, the part that peeved me was the apparent fact that by the end of the video, there were no sirens heard in the distance or the flashing blue lights as evidence of the police being called to intervene by the person taping the now-viral video. So obviously this was a gold for them, them moment to shine, to share a situation that could have ended a life.

Although our figures have remained unmoved last few months, it isn't because of any huge amount of work being done outside of the ordinary awareness campaigns, maybe the stay-in figures are just because "we outside "as the Trinis say, as there are more opportunities for entertainment and events for persons to free up after the lockdown of the pandemic.

But then instances of abuse have become increasingly violent and the hard part is that social media is so flooded with these stories being shared from all over the globe that it no longer moves us to action, most people's alarms last all of five seconds.

But I couldn't sleep I thought of the time I felt weak and voiceless when put in a position of having someone hold the decision to let me live or remain unscared in their hands, while the world around me moved on, unaware of my pending demise

I thought about how I accepted the taunting and threats and low value placed on me, while a part of me still wanted to love this misguided individual and I wondered if this was the same for this young lady, ashamed to admit these occurrences to her relatives.

Or is it that our young women value the gifts and perks of such a toxic relationship much more than they value themselves? The opportunity to be loved by a popular young man, drive expensive vehicles, and wear all the latest brands, could give them all the material things that could help them to emulate the the lives lived by the influencers they follow like sheep on social media.

Is this worth losing your life for, Is this love, you becoming like a punching bag, whats his excuse, She was unfaithful, couldnt this be handled differently?

Are we ever going to be rid of this type of behavior in this present world, where it seems, that even as technology advances and new missions land on the moon, mankind continues to go steadily backward into an age of ignorance and barbarism?

As I shed tears for this young lady and what she endured, and even though his actions angered me, I still felt empathy for him, he needed help, this monster was created, not born. The adage, that the hands that rock the cradle rule the world, speaks to us as women, and as parents, How much of this cycle that started a long time ago, when the baton was dropped are our father figures failing our sons?

I believe cycles can be broken, it takes one decision, one decision to reclaim your power, no matter the consequences. Many women and men stay in toxic and abusive situations because they fear what is next, especially if there are children involved.

Even as I write this I am giving counsel and encouraging a young man to end one such relationship, I have been advising him to do so for quite a while now, but the young lady continues to hold a pistol to his head, not literally, but she insists she will commit suicide if he leaves her, they have tried counseling, things will get better for a short period and return to this now normal behavior. She constantly uses tactics, to keep him committed by pity.

Yesterday he endured one of those episodes and today he feels at his lowest, feels that he has endured enough and he wants to end it but fear cripples him. That isn't love, if you love someone more than your own life, you are obsessed not in love.

Transformation is needed, not just putting a plaster on sores, but a total shift in thinking. A new perspective. Up to the posting of this, no charges have been laid against the young man in the video, it's a sad day when even after such a horrific assault, the young man can only be arrested and charged if the young lady or any victim presses charges.

As to my young friend, I am happy he is fed up and I am praying this would lead to affirmative action being taken, I am all for encouraging healthy relationships, but they both need help and must be willing to accept this isn't healthy and begin the work to fix it .

In both instances , No Sis that isnt Love .