Meet My Friends: Mental Health and Volunteer Work

How I Found Myself Through Service to Others

On a weekend during the summer of 2017, my first AmeriCorps volunteer crew worked alongside over a dozen other people to clear out invasive bluegrass from a reserve in South Texas. This wasn’t one of our official projects for the summer. It was a day off of work where we were encouraged to volunteer locally to help the environment and promote community service. We arrived early and got to work, stopping only to stay hydrated and share a snack while making each other laugh - humor was a necessary skill in conservation. 

In an attempt to catch my breath, I found a tree stump and poured water from my bottle onto my head. Sweat beaded up around my eyes so much that I could barely see through my glasses. I looked down at my boots and saw that they were caked in mud. My pants, too, were covered in the dirty proof of the outside world. The gritty labor of love could be found all over my grassy hands. My body was tired, my palms were sore, and I was hot and hungry - and I had never been happier. It was then, in that moment, that I realized what a gift it was to give back. I tilted my head back and let the Texas sun beat down on my neck, and I thought back to only three months before, when the struggles of my mental health made it hard to smile even on the best days. Now, here I was, exhausted in the heat, and I felt genuine peace and joy. Then I went back to work. 

The months before joining my first volunteer conservation crew were challenging on my mental health, but they were not unique to my overall life experience. Growing up, I experienced clinical depression and anxiety, oftentimes resulting in bouts of dull, hopeless turmoil, which made everyday life that much more difficult. I was still able to find happiness, but I found that it was never sustainable; I couldn’t count on it to stick around.

 When I made the decision to join AmeriCorps, I found it hard to believe that I would be able to succeed in it - depression has a way of doing that. It tells you all sorts of things and makes you doubt yourself, even when you have no reason to. I was lucky enough to have been forged in an environment where resilience was mandatory for survival, and I showed up even when I was unsure of myself. The decision to do so has led to many of the most treasured memories of my life. Now, having dedicated the remainder of my life to service, I realize that showing up is the most important part of volunteer work - and that it is always worth it. 

Just to be clear, volunteer work did not cure my mental illness. I have found, however, that the combination of medication and therapy weren’t effective enough alone. The missing ingredient was helping others. Once I added that into the equation of living, things got a little easier. I still have panic attacks, and my depression still keeps me up some nights. I still question my existence during my depressive episodes. But these things happen less frequently, and when they do happen, I find it easier to crawl out of that depressive hole, knowing that I have one more thing in my corner, urging me to keep on going. Before, I looked only inward to find the strength to go on. Now, I realize that it’s okay to look outside of ourselves for help and guidance sometimes. 

Volunteer work helped me see another side of the world that made life feel a little more liveable. It helped me to recognize compassion in others. It helped me to cultivate my own compassion and understanding for those around me, which led to me being a little bit more kind to myself. I’d look around and see all of these wonderful people helping their community, and I’d just think the world of them. Then I started thinking, “Why am I any different than them? Why don’t I deserve the same love and appreciation?” 

Volunteer work also allowed me to feel hope, which can be hard to find when you live with depression. Knowing that the work you are doing is going to benefit those that come after you makes it easier to see and care about a future for the world, and for yourself. 

Then, of course, there’s the people. In volunteer work, you’ll meet people from all walks of life with the same mission in mind - this provides a sense of unity and community, and opens a new network and support system you’d have never known of before. I’ve met some of my closest friends in volunteer work. I met my now fiance on my first volunteer crew, and we have a wedding date set for next year. Three of my friends from volunteer work will be in the wedding party. I never would have met any of them, had I not decided to trust my gut and follow my heart and work to make the world a little bit of a better place. 

These days, when I find myself succumbing to a mental health episode, it’s not quite as scary. I reach out to let someone know how I’m feeling, and I let myself sink for a while. I don’t fight it as much as I used to. Because now I know what’s waiting for me on the other side, where I can use my strength and my stories to help others, and I know that it’s worth it to rise again.