Depression, Anxiety, Overthinking - how it consumed me.

I was 14 years old when I lost my best friend to suicide . I was told that he was depressed in life, at that point I could not understand what depression is or why it happens. Fast forward to a year later , I met this guy in my neighbourhood, who was quite attractive, had a great personality and I found myself drawn to him even though I hardly knew anything about the guy. Even though Im extremely young I have always been told that I am very mature mentally and my brain does function a little different than other kids of my age. So when I felt drawn to this guy, I knew I liked him. I was bold enough to confess to him, and he eventually liked me back too. I happen to have the gift of possessing cat eyes. I have always been known as the girl with cat eyes, when the guy eventually liked me back, he said I liked you because you have beautiful eyes. It didn’t hit me at that point but going forward that sentence made a lot of sense . We were together for 4 years , initially everything was like a fairytale but the second the honeymoon period ended ,  I could seem him for who he really was. Fast forward to March 2020. The government had announced that they were going to initiate lockdown all over India , as it was the peak of covid . It was around this time when he seemed very distant with me and I had a very strange gut feeling that there was another girl involved. I decided to trust my gut and contact the girl in question. That one phone call shredded me to pieces. I was 15 at this point, and I had no idea what was happening to me , I had just found out he had cheated on me , he was constantly double dating me and that girl. I was heartbroken. The lockdown began and I was so lost, I completely lost myself, I used to sleep all day watching Netflix , series after series, not eating, not talking to my family , just laying on the bedside with my phone, completely numb. I drowned myself in series so that I could avoid feeling that pain over and over again. Despite all this I was so blinded the fact that I loved him , I overlooked the cheating and I wanted him. I used to desperately call him all day , all night and he wouldn’t even care in the least about me . Me being a foodie , when I did not have the heart to eat anymore or do anything I love I realised I am depressed. I developed anxiety and overthinking just followed . An entire year of lockdown was literal hell for me . I don’t even remember how many times I have had the thought to just end all this by ending my life , but I pushed through. It was so traumatic that it came to a point where I started believing that I looked like the girl , that I am that girl he cheated on with. My mind was in so much agony. I did not know what is right or wrong anymore. Somehow a year passed , I had completely forgotten who I was or what kind of potential I possess . Untill one day I had , had enough and I decided to let him go. It was extremely hard but it was the best decision I ever took . What I am trying to put out there is that its very easy to loose yourself into the darkness of depression , anxiety and overthinking. But it’s important to push through, even if it is baby steps , because once that phase passes over its only happiness that you can find, and there’s no greater happiness than finding your true self. To anybody out there who is going through something, you are not alone and please don’t stop pushing.