Dear Mama, Save me from this Shame.

Dear Mama, Save me from this Shame.

“You never know how scary chasing shadows is until it is your turn.” Welcome to the era where exposure is mistaken for knowledge and wisdom. Ignorance has become the order of the day. People assume everything until reality dawns on them. Times are changing so should our way of doing things change!

Sex education is no longer something mothers should shy away from, discuss it with your daughters. Stop assuming things and get involved in their lives and save them the shame that is brought forth by ignorance.

Yes, they are exposed but in what ways? You cannot control what your children consume from the media but you can control how they react to it and how it affects their life. Talk over sensitive topics as they arise, and keep them informed and aware. You cannot be too careful but you can be cautious enough to minimize the harm/damage. Be your daughter’s best friend, let them not borrow what is working for their friends. Make yourself accessible and available when they need you. Nobody can parent your child better than you so don’t let them depend fully on anyone other than you because if they do they might miss the right track.

When they start their menstrual cycle journey walk with them in handy, teach them all the necessary things that they need to know, and create a serene environment for them to discuss with you freely. Due to different lifestyles, changes may occur during their menstrual cycles as a result of hormonal imbalances and when they talk about them it means they are worried so don’t assume. Most girls are living with infertility, fibroids, endometriosis, and cancer among other health complications which could have been avoided in the event the parent was keen to every message they passed across. Why be sorry when it could have been avoided?

Talk about sex as a whole as soon as they hit adolescence, let them know they can get pregnant, contract STDs and HIV/AIDS, and that way the millions of girls dying every day from abortion, HIV/AIDS, and childbirth will go down and someday it will be bygone. Unwanted and early pregnancies will reduce as well and girls won’t have to neglect their dreams, career, education, and passion all in the name of unplanned motherhood.

Contraceptives are such a huge yet neglected topic. Abstinence is the real deal but you can’t tell when they indulge in sex until they get pregnant as a result. Different contraceptives work differently for different persons and what is working for the other person doesn’t necessarily mean it will work the same in every person, there is a need to see a doctor for the best prescription, and make them understand that. Misuse of some has left permanent wounds from fibroids, cancer, and infertility among others that in the event of daughter–mother talks could have been avoided. They may not be extremely honest with you but those discussions will leave them thinking and arrive at more informed decisions.

It shocks me how some parents are ready to put the lives of their children at risk all in the name of maintaining a name, and reputation. Two wrongs cannot right a wrong, when the damage is done don’t try rectifying it with another damage, people will talk but your child will still be with you. Most girls are those who do abortions for fear of getting rejected by their parents and it is more shocking that most parents will force their girls to do abortions all in the name of the family’s reputation. You can never be 100 percent ready for anything so teach them to take responsibility for their actions by letting them keep the pregnancy and nurturing it as it should. Abortion can claim a lot from the life of your daughter, her womb getting damaged and eventually removed and even death out of complications.

In the event she survives the abortion and can never bear another child who will you blame if no man decides not to settle for her? Who will wipe those tears and the wound she will carry to her grave? You’re meant to save her from the shame and not cause her the shame. 

At a certain age you can’t stop them from getting into relationships, just guide them through it. Let them know that you cannot always get it right with the first shot but while at it upholding one’s dignity is important. Let them know how to exercise patience and when to take a walk. Teach them about healthy relationships and how toxicity creeps in and its dangers, you can’t bury your daughter for a failed youthful relationship!

And to us ladies we shouldn’t let stupidity decide how the rest of your life will be. We are young, yes but we shouldn’t get lost in the moment because our actions will have consequences. We should be easy to deal with if our parents must be able to guide and save us from shame. The influence, pressure, and pleasure at the moment will be gone by the wound caused by shame that will live with us. Let's make informed decisions for we won’t be young for long and regrets might be inevitable if we are not careful!