Can I kiss him now? But do I really want to?

As a growing child, you so looked forward to becoming a teenager because you wanted to have a boyfriend that you could kiss in public without getting slaps from Mama. Nobody would have imagined that you had such thoughts because you looked so young and sweet and innocent.

It wasn't your fault really, despite your parent's best intention, they could not protect you from the sexual images you were exposed to. It was everywhere even though they were too blind to see it

That male cousin in his twenties that came for a visit described your eyes as 'pretty' with an intensity that was frightening

That flash of adult copulation of a man and two women that was supposed to be dimmed but was shown on tv when the technician must have been fast asleep

That male adult neighbor that invited you to his place the next day on your way back from school. You did not know till years later that it was because you had the body of a woman

The childhood games that got a bit out of hand that you never could talk about

The books that adults carelessly left lying around the house. That talked about things that were stimulating and exciting that did not spell out the circumstance

Though you were still young you badly wanted a boyfriend. Or thought you did because now you know better

Now you can have a boyfriend, you realize it's not as exciting as you thought it would be

you are at the age, you just want peace of mind or just to read a good book to save yourself so much drama

you also realize that what the society offered was half-baked, incomplete and often deceptive, luring you to try this or that without revealing the consequences

Now you know better