BLAME GAME IN POLYGAMY

\"CULTURE IS ONE'S IDENTITY\"

Nahlela called me at about 6am to find out how she can meet me. Respecting our 8am appointment came knocking an angry woman who could barely compose herself and share what is bothering her. when she finally spoke this was her story.

I got married to Ba Sam as second wife when he came complaining his first wife was maltreating him. He promised me that as soon as we get married Jabosung his first wife will leave the house since I am the love of his life. This is 15 years after Jabosung is still there and Ba Sam has brought in Watyo as the third wife. My problem is that Iabosung is a witch because all we have done has not affected her in anyway. She is still there and her children are succeeding. My daughter is more obedient than hers but she bewitched my my daughter to sleep with a man and now she is pregnant. Watyo is my enemy since she has turned Ba against me........

After a long discussion with this lady I cannot make her see her own faults in the issue as while as that of their husband. Shockingly she justified Ba Sam's action of taking a third wife to the fights she was having with Jabosung. This scenerio left me with the following conclusions:

• polygamy is a cultural practice as a result many do not see anything wrong with it but instant blame victims of it.


• polygamy is the highest weapon of manipulation, stress and violence among women.


• though highly attested by many, the state laws recognises it but is silent on how it should function

In response to these observations, our association will have to:

1. carry out awareness campaigns to sensitise women on their rights and responsibilities in a polygamous marriage so as to reduce and why not erase the tension that exist among women in such institutions.


2. in order not to meet with resistance, we will equally try to hold discussions with men in order to make them see the great responsibility they have to ensure peace and serenity in their homes.


3. to ensure that nobody is exploited, manipulated or violated in such union, in the long run we will press for a reform on the laws guiding the practice of polygamy in Cameroon. For now we will get all those involve to understand the good role the judiciary can play in such situations.

I believe that polygamy as culture of my people to be abolished will meet a lot of resistance since it will be synonymous to taking away their identity. unfortunately silence on this issue has increased the rate of violence and abuse among women. Therefore awareness on the part of those involved in polygamy and good laws to guide the functioning of the union is the first step in addressing this issue.