A HEALING JOURNEY

"Healing is a process which requires time , affection , acceptance , understanding and every kind act that can be applied , it happens in phases and it's hard to predict a time frame for the healing , the pace of healing is determined by the surroundings and community acts "

After I was sexually abused by the soldiers from Congo I felt so low , guilty and unworthy I imagined "will this be part of me for life time ?" Is there a way I can erase it ? Will I fit in the society ? Won't I be laughed at and mocked ? Must I keep it as a secret until I die ? I had questions which did not have answers , I was in a society which spoke Swahili we used to interact but in between a conversation my minds flashed back to that cruel incident at times I shaded tears unknowingly , I could get lost in thoughts at times I was questioned why my attention was always elsewhere? but since they knew my situation they understood and sympathized with me . I was so traumatised with worries of my family , the body pain I was going through , a deep cut on my right hand which took time to heal , a new begining I was not sure of getting used to in a new country . I felt like I was serving a punishment and I kept on asking myself what was the cause of the punishment ? Did i wrong God unknowingly ? Was I cursed by anyone but who ? I did not imagine one having all those problems in a twinkle of an eye without any warning , yes problems exist but why a bunch of them at once ? I had questions which were never answered ,at times I spoke to my self in whispers , the people around me realised and I was taken to a mosque shiek to pray for me , ofcourse he knew me because I was received by that very mosque and he was among those who took me to the hospital . I was consoled prayed for and encouraged to forget the past and think of my son who was eight month by then and the family I left behind at that moment I agreed but it was a challenge to overcome . I developed a sharp left pain on my chest, upper arm (left side) whenever I cried and at times the pain persisted for some time that's when , i really felt the urge to prioritize my well-being because I was my own backup , I asked myself what would happen to my son Incase anything happened to me , will he ever know where he came from ? I realized being around people soothed my situation somehow .

I preferred company and avoided staying alone at times I offered escorting the ones going to the nearby market , movements eased my situation , I attended evening preachings at that nearby mosque , I prayed a lot and felt relieved after a conversation with the Almighty God , everyday that passed by was like a tablet to heal . With time the fear and guilt vanished slowly , I was left with worries as time moved on I begun working in a saloon , I practiced what I was preached which was "accepting whatever situation one was in and learning to live with it " because the more one denied it became a challenge .

Self care is the ability to care for one self through awareness , self controll , self reliance with the main aim of promoting or maintaining optimal health and wellbeing , it is about taking care of ones needs , health , goals it is a period used to nourish and nature of who one is and it is divided in four categories namely mental / physiological (mind ) , physical ( body ), heart ( emotional) and spirit ( spiritual essence ) . Examples of selfcare can be cleaning , exercise , getting a massage , making art and more . And the benefit of selfcare are helping one manage stress , lower the risks of illness and increase ones energy . At times selfcare can become difficult or feel out of reach .

Self-care becomes difficult because in most cases we are carried out by anxiety , depression traumer and burn out being loaded with these barriers makes it difficult to think beyond and apply the process of selfcare . Another issue that makes selfcare difficult most especially in Africa is the misconception we have we treat selfcare as luxury , it should be gained after other achievements ,it can always wait , the society makes it clear that our value is portrayed from our out put ,so selfcare is treated as a reward or bonus after the main activity . Financial issues for instance one can not think of massage before what is considered as a basic need . I think even lucking knowledge about self-care can make it difficult , one can adjust within his reach with proper knowledge for instance choosing stretching over massage which is costly .

My healing journey included a number of people ranging from infants to elderly , I was staying with an elderly woman who had quite a big family which included 4 teenagers (grand children) two adults ( female ) three boys and the neighbours were close I interacted with all of them , we shared the chores . They were 2 females who had a nursery school under a tree by then they did not have a building, it was called KITI nursery school , I helped with cooking and serving porridge , washing used cup's infact that's where I learnt my alphabets and sounds , I silently attended like one of them, the mosque shiek also helped me a lot , I was encouraged , given hope , support in various ways , attention comforted , connected to avialable jobs , introduced to the leaders around , registered as a refugee and more .

Collective care simply means members in the community being responsible for each others wellbeing it involves coordination and cooperation , it focuses on benefiting a group of people at a cost of an individual participating to benefit and extend the benefits to others , one can enjoy the benefit without participating for instance a television broadcast , police station an individual benefiting does not reduce the possibilities for other individuals to benefit .

Community healing provides emotional , psychological and physical benefits , a supportive community significantly improves mental health and resting is part of healing . I personally think the main point that is required to build a community that values rest and healing is by simply maintaining , building and strengthening relationships and trust by focusing on what matters to the community like people's passion , skills , connection ideas , what they care about and the expirence they have .

A culture of care is a situation whereby everyone is cared for and he/she is in position to extend the required care to others , each is directed to his / her role and goal , it empowers each individual to contribute meaningfully with main focus on growth , empathy , belonging , respect and accountability with aims of creating an environment where each feels valued , supported and part of the community that cares about their well-being and performance . Meaning that it is a system which improves mental health , and to maintain a proper daily life and surroundings requires a healthy mental health and wellbeing , as a matter of fact it will be a healthy community with no or low rates of sickness .

Asking for help is challenging in my community , by the time one reaches an extent of asking for help it proves that he /she does not want to work or he /she has failed to meet the standards of living , even the type of help varies for instance financial help is not usually given any howly , a few do it with trusted friends who are required to pay back after a given period of time . And if it is another kind of help it can be considered I have seen many sharing food from their gardens , many working for those with ceremonies by helping in various ways , sharing the tasks within themselves . And it depends one can be given the help if it's first time but when it exceeds people will begin avoiding you , on social media many have asked for financial help and where grunted . I fear or hesitate asking for help because I do not like to become a burden to others ,and I always have that inner feeling " what if he or she does not have ? What if it is enough for his or her consumption ? What if he or she refuses to give you ? " . In my community we share the little we have excluding money because most of us are not financially stable . However giving to someone else makes me feel better , I feel energized I feel like I have uplifted something or contributed to a wellbeing .

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