I ...

I am a fat, poly, pansexual Black woman. I have always felt like the odd one out. I grew up in a family of "Strong Black" women and as I saw them deal with chaos and trauma, I vowed to myself to never live in chaos. But as I grew older, I felt the need to fit in with societal norms. I pushed aside my dreams and did what was right, in the eyes of those closest to me. I never dreamed of being married or having children. I never wanted to settle in one place. Now at the ripe age of 37, I am living a life that feels so unfamiliar to me. I am now healing. I am hurting but only because I am hopeful that facing the bitter truth that I played a big part in how my life turned out, will help me once again be ME. 

I was recently told by my employer that I won't have a job in 3 months. So I have decided to no longer take jobs because I need money. This time I will delve into work that fulfills me. I will live a life I will enjoy, a life that my daughters will proud of, and one by own terms.