You are Part of us -- Yours are not Part of us!

Two days ago, in my own tribal/ethnic forum, I felt insulted, attacked, oppressed, marginalized -- I felt broken at how men continuously tried to trample on the rights of women as though it doesn't matter. After they said something which to them was just ok to a typical Cameroonian man, I had to set my voice on high to tell them how demeaning their actions towards women were and how they have to borrow reason to start thinking right. They said something that spoke rudely to me and women as a whole, something that my fellow women who have been blinded by patriarchy could not easily figure out was wrong. Well, I don't blame them, we have been socialized to believe what patriarchy wants us to believe. Before I tell you what that is, let me make this clear. 

No one beats me in the argument that patriarchy is not the root of women's problems. If you want to understand what fuels oppression and marginalization of women, it would be nice you go deep in understanding what patriarchy really is. If we understand, our mission will be tilted towards dismantling patriarchy in all its forms. I can't stand the endless oppression that appears as norm, but question all that touches on the rights of women and girls.

So, two days ago, our tribal forum was debating on the criteria to put in place for children to benefit from a scholarship that we have all contributed voluntarily. One man stated categorically that for a child to benefit from the scholarship, the FATHER MUST COME FROM OUR TRIBE. A good number of the men agreed with him and stated that, that was a normal condition and no need to reiterate. They went ahead to say that any child whose mother is from our tribe, but whose father comes from another tribe, is not eligible to benefit from the scholarship. I waited for about 30 minutes, no woman objected -- I then put on my objection cap and hit them where it pinches the most.

I told them how primitive and insensitive it was for them to continue to strip women off their rights, including rights to their own biological children. How on earth can a child be refused scholarship because the woman chose or by some reason ended up having a child with a man from another tribe. I could not help asking them why they collected contribution from women whose fathers come from another tribe (including me) but refuse children of women members whose [children's] fathers come from another tribe. I am one of those whose fathers come from another tribe and who also have children whose fathers come from another ethnic group entirely. So, yes, I was fighting a personal and a collective battle. Though my children do not need scholarship because we are not needy at this point, I felt there were many other women who are in this situation and whose children need this help more than anyone else. Some men tried to defend their stance by saying that other ethnic groups are doing the same thing -- offering scholarship only to children whose fathers come from the tribe. Like I said, you can't win me in that argument; I told them we must not do what others are doing, we should start by doing the right thing and others will follow. Hours later, we were still on that subject and the debate got even more heated. Women started joining the conversation in support of my stance and interestingly, majority of the men crossed carpet to see reason with us. The good news is, the eligibility criteria changed from "the child's father must come from the tribe" to "the child's mother or father must come from the tribe." 

So you see, this debate went on for about 24 hours and yes, I won! We won! Women won! Women, it is time we use our voices to change popular narratives that challenges our rights as women. We cannot continue to be passive recipients of a system of patriarchy that breaks us, but rather be active advocates for a system that builds us. Our voices can be strong enough to bring the change that we want. Our focus now should be to use our voices and every resource on our disposal to dismantle the patriarchal systems that continue to cause us limitations and in doing this, we should be firm with what is right. We will either do this together with the men, or if they don't want, we will go ahead to do it on our own as women and then bring them in to enjoy the sweetness that comes with equality -- equality in opportunities. Men and women should be partners in development, not enemies in this noble process. 

We are not there yet, but I am positive we will get there. Let's keep raising our voices for change. Let's keep dismantling patriarchy. Trop c'est trop!